Jumper
by RandomKiwi
Summary: Mello decides life is pointless if he's always runner up to Near. Matt tries to get his friend to step back from that ledge. A songfic. Matt's POV. One-shot.


__**AN: I wrote this as soon as I'd listened to Jumper by Third Eye Blind for about the billionth time. I hope you enjoy! Reviews are appreciated!**

**~ RandomKiwi**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note or any characters affiliated with Death Note. They are the sole properties of the creators of Death Note.**

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><p><em>I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,<em>

_You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in,_

_And if you do not want to see me again,_

_I would understand,_

_I would understand._

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><p>I found him standing on the roof Wammy's House, the orphanage we were both stuck in for the sake of keeping L, the world's greatest detective, alive forever, so to speak. It was an intellectual house of Hell, where nothing was prized until you were first… A position that he had filled until his white haired nemesis arrived.<p>

Near took the reigning position as the next L faster than anyone had ever done before, sitting atop the entire class by the end of his first month at Wammy's. The angry blond with piercing blue eyes, whom we call Mello, was always runner up after that point; almost surpassing his foe, but never quite made it far enough to beat him.

To Mello, life was a game, and there was only one winner. If you weren't on top, you were just a loser. He believed that if he lost, there was no redemption. If Near was victorious, it was Game Over for him. Who would've thought his Game Over would come so soon? To end your game before it was truly done was defined as giving up on yourself… Mello was pretty good at that.

I found him standing by the edge of the roof, peering over his toes at the ground far below him. Did he really see himself as such a burden to the world? Did he believe such nonsense that he wasn't needed? He sure as Hell did, because he was Mello. _Winning was winning… And losing… Was absolute failure._

"So, this is it… You're just giving up on yourself like this?" I stood just behind him, shouting over the howling wind.

I could imagine him narrowing his eyes, his mouth forming his words into a bitter snarl. "Shut up." Those two words, like knives, hit me like a bulldozer. I blinked, stepping forward.

"You don't have to do this."

Mello shook his head, laughing bitterly. "If only you fucking knew, Matt, if only you fucking knew." He teetered on the edge, weighing his options.

I closed the distance between us, taking his leather clad hand in mine. He snapped his head around to look at me. "Don't." His hands were cold; I could feel their nipping iciness through this fingerless gloves.

He held my gaze, his eyes glowing an angry sky blue. "You don't get it, do you?" he snapped cynically, nostrils flaring. "I am nothing. My own parents fucking gave me up. They had the money. They had the resources and the skills and the knowledge. But they gave me up because I was a burden. I kill every single thing I touch, everything!" He broke away from my grasp, angrily shaking his head. "I'm not wanted. Nobody needs me. I'm just a fucking roadblock in everyone's way."

I shook my head sadly, taking my hand back in to my side. "No, Mello. Not at all. When I came here, you were the only one who took me in, showed me the ropes, and helped me through everything. Do you know how much I rely on you for? God, don't make me list it all. If anyone doesn't want you… They're full of shit."

He continued staring at the ground below, clenching his fists. His jaw was twitching and his face was bright red.

"Mells, look at me," I pleaded, taking his hand once more. "Look at me," I whispered, cupping other my hand under his chin and turning his head to face me. His eyes were red and puffy, tears running down his cheeks like tiny waterfalls. His eyes were full of sorrow and regret.

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><p><em>I never thought it would come to this,<em>

_And I, I want you to know_

_Everyone's got to face down the demons,_

_Maybe today, _

_We can put the past away._

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><p>"It doesn't matter what happened yesterday or the day before that, or months before that. What matters is now. You're better than Near, you know you are. Why do you have to surrender to facts that aren't true? You will be first. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you will end up on top. It doesn't matter where you are during the game… It only matters where you end up." I paused, taking in a long breath before continuing.<p>

"You know how every morning I smile and say 'G'morning, Sunshine?' I mean it when I say that, I really do. You're my sunshine, Mello. You're the face I _want_ to see every morning when I wake up. When I have nightmares who's the one I come running to? It's you. And… And…" I swallowed, readying myself to say what I'd been afraid to say since I'd met him.

"Who do I love with all of my fucking heart? It's sure as Hell not Near, or Linda, or any other person in this fucking universe." I stared into his sky blue eyes, sure my sea green eyes were overflowing with tears.

"I love _you_, Mello…" my voice cracked as I choked up with tears. "I love _you._"

He looked away, tearing from my embrace. He didn't utter a single coherent word, but through his sobs I could almost hear, "I love you too."

I looked down, blushing like Hell. I hugged him close, despite his resistance. I took in his scent, a mix of sweet chocolate and sharp leather, feeling his heart beat against my chest through his thin fitted shirt and vest.

He met my gaze, lifting my goggles up and away, leaving my eyes unobstructed by the orange tint of the lenses. His lips met mine, and I ran my fingers through his silky blond hair; closing my eyes and relishing in the moment. He caressed my cheeks and neck as we kissed time and time again. I never wanted this moment to end… But it ended too soon.

He pressed his rosary into my palm, its cool metal surface smooth against my calloused hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "Mello …"

He looked into my eyes with such intensity. I was lost in his gaze, a sea of never ending blue.

"No… Mello… Don't do this…" I pleaded, my throat becoming tight with sobs waiting to be set free.

He slowly broke away from me, gradually letting my hand go, a warm shadow of his presence still making my skin tingle. He sauntered away and I instinctively followed, reaching out once more. Only this time I couldn't regain his presence. "Mello… Mello, wait!" I grimaced, groping for his hand. He took another step towards the rim, the front of his boot hanging over it.

Without another word or a glance over his shoulder, he hurtled himself over the edge, plummeting to the ground below. _And I could do nothing to stop him._

"NO! MIHAEL! NO!" Tears stung my eyes as I fell to my knees, reaching over the edge as if I could save his splattered, bloody corpse below. "No…." I moaned, my whole body rippling with the force of my sobs.

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><p>Every night I relive the last time I ever spoke to my friend… We could have been much more than friends; could have easily become closer than before. I wake up soaked through in a cold sweat, panting with tears running down my face. I glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table, then at the empty bed beside mine, eerily empty. A book still lies open at the foot of it, forever turned to page 365. The blankets are still rumpled as if they had just been slept in, but I know better than to assume the impossible.<p>

Mello was forever gone… I'd never hear his voice or see that smug smile play itself across his lips. I'd never feel his breath on the nape of my neck as he looked over my shoulder as I played Mario Kart… His embrace was something I could never obtain again, no matter how hard I try. Just because you wish upon a star doesn't mean it'll come true.

When I am jarred awake from my frequent nightmares, I hear a most familiar noise. It brings back memories of all kinds, from the good to the horrible.

_As I slip back into slumber, I can just barely make out the faint crunch of chocolate echoing down the hall._


End file.
